A New Beginning !
"Honey, Let's go home. It's late."
She saw me, smiled one of my favourite smile and said, "No honey, party has just begun!! I want to enjoy here!!".
It was tough for me to reason with her specially in her such state, so I said in a firm voice,
"You had enough fun, Let's go home".
"You told me to enjoy, so I'm enjoying, you decide what you want me to do, enjoy or not?", she said emptying her glass of vodka.
I just stared at her blankly, was she really the innocent girl I met 10 years back, one who would smile for no reason and who could chuck off thousands reasons that could possibly make her sad. She was so full of life and was my constant source of happiness. Why my darling can't find those reasons again.
Her next dialogue was what each and every of my friend had heard a zillion times. "OK Hon Pack up time. The moods done!!", she said swinging her arms over my shoulders, "Take me back home where I have my dear empty house, my decorated walls, the expensive sofa, curtains awaiting my return. They missed me? Ohh I sooo miss them. Will you hold me and take me home dear".
No matter how she is now, she is my wife, and I know she is not doing anything wrong, but just trying to deviate her mind. I took her by my arms, and made our way out, thanking and saying good bye to my friends. Well, the entire pub belonged to friends list now.
By the time we reached home, Rynn was already asleep. I made my way to our bedroom, put her gently on the bed, kissed her goodnight and made way to kitchen. Ofcourse there was nothing cooked. I looked for something edible in refrigerator, found few slices of bread, ohh well it's better than nothing.
The morning after was nothing different, she was sleeping when I woke up. I showered and dressed up for office, well she was still sleeping. I kissed her good morning and rushed out. No matter how much late I get for work or sleep, it was one routine we had decided never to miss, to kiss and wish each other Good Morning and Good Night. I don't blame her for forgetting these too amongst several other things All I know is that I'm still sane and I remember everything.
It was our daily routine, in the evening I would get call from one friend or the other telling me her where-abouts, and I pick her up and head home. Her health was deteriorating, I was concerned but it was tough for me to scold her and see her cry. But I have to take a stand, I can not even watch her waste herself like this. I received call from Martha, Rynn was at her place today. I packed my stuffs and left for her place. I knew Martha doesn't drink so was thinking that atleast a day when Rynn would be sober, may be I can talk her out today. Alas, it never works as thought. She was already high when she had reached Martha's place. And now I understood why was she at her place - To play with her toddler.
She cried all the way back home, I was too speechless to say anything. When we reached home, she rushed to bedroom and buried her face under the pillow, "If Only, he was alive" was all that she murmured. I stroked her hair gently, I knew this was one topic which should have been discussed 6 months back. "Why didn't you come, why you left me alone?", she said still crying. "Honey if for once you will listen to me, please".
Of course she won't be listening but it's my last chance to correct all wrong, to tell her that it matters, that I'm hurt too.
"Everything is gone, nothing is same, I lost my child for your work. Why Couldn't you come earlier? Work , Work and Work, Where is family, where are the promises, Why did you marry if you had no time, you killed him and now you are killing me.", she was shouting.
I had no option but to raise my voice and I shouted for first time in our 10 year relationship, "Enough Rynn, Let me speak and then cry as much as you want".
My sudden anger shuddered her, as I had never raised my voice, and seeing it with full emotion made her atleast stop shouting. I hugged her and stroked her as her sobs subsided.
That was when I decided to say, "You think I did not love our son, that I never took care of him, then tell me my darling why was I working so much , if not for a better living for us. That day when you were waiting for me to take him to hospital, I had met with a terrible accident. You accuse me that I sold our old car and bought a new one within a week of his death, dear, the car was beyond repair, such was the intensity of accident, I had lost my sense altogether and you were not in a good shape either. How could I tell you that you could have lost your world altogether that night, that your husband had cheated death and came back to take care of you?" .
She said, "Then why you didn't tell me later". "'coz you chose not to come out of shock of our son's death. Had you been sane I would have shown you car's wreck but I thought it's better to be known to you as a murdered than to hurt you more".
Tears started flowing in her eyes, she said, "And you tolerated me all this while".
"I promised you that I will always be with you. I remember my promise. Do you remember yours dearest. You ever thought we could have divided our sorrows together, been each others companion in tough time than fighting this battle alone miserable and unsuccessfully". I can't say my words had any effect on her or not, she left the room crying, and I had nothing more to say.
The next morning made no difference and I rushed to office. Through out the day I wondered about her but no call from her assured me that she has again gone back to drowning her sorrow in alcohol. In the evening I called up friends to know her where about but she didn't contact them. Worried, as I was, I went to bar and searched her all around and then each of her friends house, to my utter dismay no one knew.
I reached home shattered, worried where she is, I saw all lights off, hence sure that she wasn't at home either.
I was shocked and tried to locate switches when I saw dim lights of chandelier of our living room on.
And there I saw my darling like an
angel, in her best attire ready with a cake and candle. I approached her and tried to speak. She put her hands on my mouth and said, "Darling I'm sorry, Happy Anniversary". What more could I ask? I kissed her and toasted for our life happily ever after.
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